Do you feel lonely when you are alone? When you stay alone, you always feel empty, lonely or isolated in your heart, and try to fill your living space in various ways, such as social activities, etc., which are all manifestations of not being able to be alone with yourself.
First, get clear on why you can’t be alone with yourself.
Psychologists have done an experiment: with electric shock way to let the experimenter experience that kind of cone of pain, after the electric shock, the experimenter are said to be no longer willing to accept this kind of electric shock, because the feeling is too painful.
They were even willing to pay a high price such as money in exchange. So, the psychologists put each of these experimenters alone in an empty room with no equipment or objects, and they were not allowed to have contact with anyone, and they were left alone in such a room for 15 minutes.
During this period, they had two options, one option was to do nothing but stay in the room, but at a high cost in terms of money, and the other option was to pass the time by electrocuting themselves. The results showed that a quarter of the women and two-thirds of the men shocked themselves at least once during this period.
This means that the experimenters preferred electric shocks to being alone with themselves. In psychology, this phenomenon is called “Stockholm syndrome” (also known as hostage syndrome).
Secondly, if you want to be alone with yourself, you should start from the following three aspects
First, understand and accept this state of being afraid of being alone, for example: some people have become adults, but they are still afraid to sleep by themselves, and they feel scared to take the elevator alone, and so on.
Thinking how can you be like this, that you are so incompetent, having such thoughts is actually an attack on yourself, we should understand that there is a reason for any presented state, and attacking ourselves will only make it harder for us.
Secondly, we can try to create some opportunities for ourselves to be alone, we can choose some alternatives to the initial self object, by cultivating hobbies that can satisfy the spiritual-psychological aspects, such as: reading, listening to music, watching movies, etc., or keeping pets (kittens and puppies), or having a belief, or having an admired figure inside.
In this way, when we are alone, it is as if someone is there for us, there is a presence of such a feeling that can respond to us, soothe us, affirm us, and, of course, it is better if there is someone who can really be there for us.
Thirdly, by creating a safe place in our imagination through a form of hypnotic relaxation, we gain a safe space for ourselves and are able to give ourselves a sense of being soothed and accompanied.