Last night, I pondered over these questions and decided to share my thoughts and perspectives for everyone’s consideration.
- Rationalize your partner’s needs, lower your expectations of them, and focus more on yourself. I’ve met people who tend to place all their hopes on their partner, expecting them to be the superhero who rescues them and provides comfort. However, we must remember that we’re all ordinary people. If you’re currently finding it difficult to commit due to external influences, it’s essential to learn to enjoy your own company.
While many people in a marriage often prioritize the relationship over their individual needs, it’s crucial to remember that there should also be room for ‘me’ in a marriage. I’ve had clients who suffocated their partners with unrealistic expectations and control, ultimately leading to the end of the marriage. If we could lower our high expectations of our partners and accept them as they are, the outcome might be different. - Learn to respond positively. Emotional interaction between partners profoundly impacts the happiness within a marriage. Every couple faces communication challenges, and understanding the right ‘language of love’ is vital to prevent hurting each other. Adapting the way we converse and listen, recognizing our emotions, and expressing our needs honestly and clearly can significantly enhance a marriage’s happiness.
- Change our perceptions, learn to let go, and stop the internal friction. A good marriage isn’t about staying together for a lifetime, but having the courage and confidence to leave if necessary. Whether single or married, each is just a lifestyle choice. The key is the kind of life we wish to lead. Divorce isn’t a failure; it’s a form of growth.
When you live your best life, any painful marriage becomes just a tiny part of your abundant life. Spending your whole life in internal friction is tragic. If you’re stuck in a suffocating marriage without comfort, the only way out is to decisively leave.
Divorce isn’t terrifying, but giving up on loving yourself, halting personal growth, and confining your possibilities due to fear of post-divorce life is. Over the years, I’ve encountered many women aged 35 to 50 who insisted on divorcing. They’ve endured loveless and sexless marriages for years, even decades, some developing mild depression. The root cause often lies in their inability to let go of their worries and obsessions for their children and societal reputation.
If you ask me what a good marriage is? I believe love isn’t the only criterion, especially as its weight diminishes over time. A good marriage may vary for each individual. For me, a good marriage is one that nurtures me, providing a stable environment that allows me to pursue personal growth and progress.